I have so many pictures from the past week of foodie indulgence, and now that Erik and Alissa have gotten on their plane to Denver, I have time to write about them. I dropped them off and went straight to Central Market to stock up for a weekend of sheer laziness with Chris. Usually, lazy weekend means a single trip to the gym each day, pre- and post-ceded by Chris playing video games and me baking something and lounging around in pajamas. But today at CM, I realized I was depressed. I loaded pre-made foods into my basket listlessly, including 2 pints of Haagen-Dazs, a frozen pizza, some Utz sourdough pretzel chunks, the stuff for cheese and crackers, frozen waffles, a fully-assembled Caesar salad from the deli area…all the things I usually make from scratch, and all comfort foods!! After a mental scan of my body, I also realized that my lower lip was protruding like a petulant child. So I thought about it, and here is why I’m upset (I recognize this isn’t food-related, so I’ll make it so).
I am taking this whole business with Russia exTREMely personally. I mean, I have enough things to be anxious about on any given day, and then Russia starts–out of friggin’ nowhere, I might add–picking fights and making threats! I am full-on ANGRY about it. I have this general expectation that certain countries (and I’m not naming names coughcoughTHEMIDDLEEASTcough) are going to be trouble-makers basically all the time. I don’t know why this is, it just has always been that way. The trouble with them does upset me, and I do get really frustrated that they can’t just get along for 5 minutes so we can concentrate on the environment, which I view to be a fairly pressing matter. But the big countries, the actual world powers, well, I expect them to be more restrained and diplomatic. And they’ve been doing a relatively good job. Even China has managed to start behaving like adults and made steps toward participating in positive global politics. And then, out of left field, a piss-ant country does something stupid and Russia goes batshit crazy in response. They know, THEY KNOW, that their little military temper tantrum is going to force the other major nations to attempt some peacekeeping. THEY KNOW THIS. Yet they march on in like dicks, and then LIE about a treaty, and then keep marching. It’s completely ridiculous!! Why would they knowingly cause a problem with the other first world nations when they’re trying to BECOME a first world nation? And then, and here’s the step that finally pushed me over the edge into rant territory, why in God’s name would they elect to threaten Poland with nuclear weapons for a US military maneuver? Why even BRING UP nuclear weapons in a non-combat manner? Why?? I’m just really pissed off about it, and that made me anxious, which in turn made me feel very sad inside. I don’t like to feel threatened, and I lack a mechanism that allows me to put my ears back or puff up to 4 times my size when I’m threatened, so I have no outlet.
So I spent a minute assessing how Russia has positively affected my life, and came up with very little. Initially, I went straight to vodka. I mean, vodka is good, right? I’ve been very partial to the Three Olives cherry vodka lately, although it’s on temporary hiatus due to bottle-and-a-half consumed the night of the stair-puking incident. But I looked at my bottle of Three Olives and guess where it is produced? ENGLAND. Yet again the British have come through with my favorite of something. Favorite snack cake? Battenburg. Favorite tea? English breakfast. Favorite accent? English.
And guess what else? I googled the top-rated vodkas, and the top 5 are produced in either the Netherlands, France, U.S., Sweden or Poland. Stoli was the ONLY vodka of note that’s even produced in Russia, and it’s not at the top of the list. So basically, Russia, if you want me to start thinking of you as “not dipshits” again, you’re going to need to both stop being antagonistic AND come up with a decent food product that you are “the best” at making. And pierogis don’t count because I can make those at home with little effort.