The funky chicken

‘Tis the season for poultry, right? After a week of turkey preparation, then a day full of turkey preparation and consuming said turkey, and then another week of eating nothing but turkey leftovers in various “creative” presentations, you may be getting to the point where, if you see another bundle of traditional holiday spices, you’re going to slit your wrists with a bay leaf. Or maybe that’s just me.

But you can’t very well be like, “OMG Thanksgiving is over, and now I’m going to eat nothing but beans and red meat for the rest of the year, so help me God.” I mean, you could. But it’s not advisable. So what you want, nay, NEED are some poultry recipes that aren’t laced with sage and stuffing and leftover partially digested niblets of corn casserole.

Might I suggest the following?

Roasted chicken, stuffed with fire-roasted chiles.

Yeah. It’s spicy, it’s flavorful, it’s delicious, and the leftovers make KILLER enchiladas. And the leftover carcass, once picked clean, makes a fierce stock for tortilla soup. Can you beat getting three meals, plus leftovers, out of a single (free range) chicken? No, you cannot. And if you can, maybe you should stop bragging about it, Sandra Lee.

It’s so ridiculously simple, too.

Step 1: Obtain fire roasted chiles or fire roast your own (1 lb, and I used Hatch, you can use Anaheim or Poblano)
Step 2: remove charred peel, stem, and seeds
Step 3: Place in food processor with a quartered, peeled onion (medium)
Step 4: Add a small amount of cumin (1 T)
Step 5: Blend up to a coarse paste
Step 6: Stuff liberal handfuls of the paste under the skin of the breasts and thighs of the bird. For the thighs, cutting small slits in the skin (careful not to perforate the meat) and stuffing/pushing it around will work fine
Step 7: Salt and pepper the outside of the bird
Step 8: Roast the bird at 375 F in a rotisserie or your oven until the internal temp reaches 165 F, remove, and cover with foil til the internal temp is 170-175 F
Step 9: Slice and serve with garlic rice, roasted tomatoes, or whatever you damned well please.

Does my photo quality suck? Yes, yes it does. But you try taking quality pictures while also trying to make sure that the infant, who has been napping for a whole 7 minutes (a record for him) doesn’t enter a state of hypoxia by suffocating himself on his sheepskin rug.

That’s what babies do best, you know. Try to off themselves. Given half the chance they’ll pull the blanket over their own faces or bury their faces in their mattress or flop their heads forward in their swings so as to close off their trachea as efficiently as possible.

It’s kind of like puppies. They also specialize in suicide attempts. Put a raw steak on the table next to a half eaten, lint-covered package of IceBreakers gum, and any puppy worth his salt is going to leave the steak and eat the package of gum, plastic and all. Why? Because IceBreakers gum has Xylitol as a sweetener, and xylitol is highly poisonous to dogs.

Also, my dog will eat onions if they’re dropped off the cutting board, but not dog treats. Why? Because onions cause liver toxicity in dogs, and dog treats freshen breath. Duh.

They’re all direct descendants of turkeys, who will cheerfully kill themselves by looking up with open beaks when it rains, effectively drowning themselves.

Ugh. Turkeys. Where are my bay leaves?

3 thoughts on “The funky chicken”

  1. I already posted once, but I must have done something wrong since it never went through.

    1. XKCD had a comic up around thanksgiving about turkeys being selected as THE thanksgiving food by the Turkey Voluntary Extinction Movement.

    2. We went to San Antonio for Thanksgiving with the inlaws (my SIL just moved down there 2 weeks ago). my MIL somehow turned on the 'celsius' function on her thermometer. The turkey was at 93 degrees and had been in the oven for 3 hours when I thought to check the thermometer to see if it was busted or something. Yes, our turkey was almost at the temperature at which water boils. Thankfully this error was found when the turkey was at 93 celcius instead of 170 celsius (of course the waiting for food for 9 hours probably would have tipped us off).

  2. I shove a lot of stuff under chicken skin (that sounds a bit off color – sorry) but never tried roasted chilis. I am inspired.

    I never thought about babies and puppies being suicidal. You're so right. My dog never successfully killed herself. She once ate a giant Hershey's Kiss with no ill effects. 20 years later and 10 years past when the dog died of old age, I still question how that worked.

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