The post in which Kristie considers the benefits of employment

Somebody has expressed an interest in paying me actual American currency to bake. To me, this is absurd. Who gets paid to dance around in a cloud of confectioner’s sugar when they would happily do it for free? It’s like someone has offered to pay me for sex, and that person does NOT look like Wilford Brimley. Woot Woot! Anyway, it’s at a gluten-free bakery, which I’m not even sure I understand completely, but is VERY fortuitous.

For a long time, Chris and I have discussed how his career in allergy could, one day, lead to me teaching culinary lifestyle skills to those with severe food allergies. He’s going to specialize in food allergies in his practice, just to facilitate this career compatibility, which I appreciate very much. But I don’t know how to do gluten-free baking (baking without anything related to grain proteins; specifically wheat), so I would have had to do a LOT of independent research on the subject.

But via my Craigslist posting, someone contacted me and suggested I call this bakery because they have part-time work available. I called, on a whim, and lo and behold! It’s an ACTUAL bakery run by a load of crazy Aussies that caters to people with dietary restrictions. They do everything gluten-free, but also have options for vegetarians, vegans, soy/nut/etc allergies.

I have an interview at 2:30, and I’m pretty nervous. Who knows? It might be awesome, or it might be too good to be true. It’d definitely give me something to do, and reduce the number of times I have to clean my kitchen on a daily basis. Yesterday was insane:

This is a german chocolate cake that I had to make for an ad response lady. Her husband is an optometrist in town, which she kind of flaunted in my face like “look how important I am.” I didn’t even bother putting her in her place, because I am lazy. The nub and gist of this experience is that I will never make a german chocolate cake again. The frosting is unreliable and chunky, meaning it’s difficult to spread and keep at an even consistency. The chocolate buttercream was melting all over the place because of the heat and humidity (and because I cheated a little and used part store-bought chocolate smear since it was such short notice). I mixed the cheater chocolate in with my own regular decorator frosting I had made, and the result was a mess, even after mashing coconut along the sides and putting pecans on the top. It’s definitely servicable, and I think it looks okay, but it DESTROYED my kitchen and a little bit of my soul trying to make it, adjust it, fix the adjustment, fix the fixing, rebuild the sides, etc. Ugh. So it’s in the freezer to make it easier to transport. The extra cake that the batter made got transformed into little mini chocolate layer cakes (my chocolate cake recipe is phenomenal–taken from Warren Brown’s Cakelove book). I split the little cakes in two, filled them with homemade Mexican vanilla ice cream, and wrapped the sandwiches up. I have about 5 of them, which I think my brother will probably eat in the first hour he’s here. They’re really, really tasty. I put a picture of one at the top of this post, and then Chris and I ate it because it was getting too melty to re-freeze.

Then I had to deal with Chris’s Grand Rounds, which means whipping up a healthy, transportable lunch for 15-20 people and then telling Chris how to serve it in a way that will not destroy it’s snacky integrity. This week I did a chicken salad with apples, walnuts, cubed chicken, celery, and a homemade olive oil mayo/yogurt/honey/garam masala dressing. I hear it’s delicious. I won’t eat it, though, because I fucking detest mayonnaise in all its dastardly forms. It’s hard to cook without tasting. I had to make Chris keep tasting it and telling me if it needed salt/more seasoning/whatever. Then, and here’s the part where my heat-addled brain failed me, I made 30 little cheddar biscuits to serve with the salad. Making biscuits in that quantity is a dumb, dumb idea in this heat. It was exhausting, physically demanding work. And I did it while I whipped up another Amish classic:

BRATWURST!! Served it up with sauerkraut (cooked in cast iron on the grill to avoid odd smells), homemade french fries, brown mustard and ketchup. Mmmmmmmmm. I LOVE french fries, but don’t allow myself to eat them very frequently, so it was a treat.

All of this happened during the S.A. version of Hurricane Dolly, which meant mostly torrential downpours and a lot of convincing the dog that he could go outside without being swept away by the current…

8 thoughts on “The post in which Kristie considers the benefits of employment”

  1. you really want to freak people out about the weather down here? Watch “Flash Flood Alley”

    And now you get to partake in the crazy rain weather. YAY! well, I’m pretty sure S.A. won’t get the 19″ of rain that Marble Falls got last year…but then, what do I know?

  2. You have no idea how excited I am to come see you and eat your delicious food. This ice cream sandwich thing especially, I love those. Hopefully I can get to one before Erik inhales them all!

  3. Okay…the interview was kind of a flop, because while they DID offer me the job, they offered the weekends slot, and I’m sorry, but I ain’t workin’ no weekends in no hot-ass bakery if’n I don’t have to! So I think I’m going to start entering cooking contests like they have on Food Network. Those look fun, and you can win appliances.

    Alissa: I can’t wait for you to come out, but for reals–you have to gain some weight before you come so Erik can’t ridicule me quite so harshly.

  4. Sadly, momma, I’ve decided not to. I mean, for the time being, and also for any future times. I’m doing some private cheffing, though, which I think is going to be awesome because it a) involves food, b) can be done at my leisure from my own kitchen, c)pays well.

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