Lunch Lady Land


Do you see how tiny this bread is? I put it on top of a bar of cheap unsweetened chocolate to show you its petite stature. Kind of how Venus Williams is going to have to date that giant from the Green Mile if she ever wants to feel like a delicate flower and not someone who has accidentally crushed toddlers by sitting down without first looking. I made it the day before yesterday in an attempt at keeping the bread we eat fresh and staving off the mold that immediately attacks any bread left at room temperature in this horrible state. So I made lots of little mini-loaves of sourdough and am freezing them, only to thaw them out prn (as needed). I had the little loaf pans because some things just don’t want to be a full loaf. Fruit cake, for example. About a week ago I made mini fruitcakes and froze them all. They’re mostly just brown sugar, brandy, dried fruits (pineapples, cherries (tart, not candied), blueberries, ginger, cranberries, apricots, and strawberries) and honey roasted cashews. People get so uppity about fruitcake because it usually tastes like grandparents smell. But if you stuff it full of really GOOD dried fruits and nuts, then baste it in V.S.O.P. for a few days, it is a work of art. Especially grilled…mmmmmmm.

The point is, I had a loaf of tiny bread to work with. I managed to get Chris and myself motivated long enough to drag our mangled, crippled legs off of the couch to forage for dinner. This was quite a feat after yesterday morning when we swore we’d never walk again. BTW, I’m walking just fine today. Sure, my knee feels like it wants to be replaced by a synthetic, but it ALWAYS does after I run, and sure enough, it’s held out just fine. I thought I’d be so sore this morning that I’d have to just stay in bed and pray for golden tanned youths with Latin accents and piercing blue eyes to come feed me frozen grapes and liquor. The first couple steps out of bed were pretty painful, because the bottoms of my feet are bruised from the pavement. My butt feels like it’s done some heavy duty squats, and my hamstrings have shortened to the length and consistency of Twizzlers. But overALL I’m just fine and will be able to complete our recovery run this morning. Chris is still in bed, and I look forward to seeing how much he milks his injuries when he gets out of bed. He’s allowed to sleep in on the weekends because he has to get up in the middle of the night to go play ARMY and prescribe nebulizing meds to people trying to get out of gym class during the week.

At the store we grabbed a cart full of turkey products. Turkey bacon, turkey sausage, ground turkey. And the candy corn that was my downfall, as previously posted. At home, I grilled the tiny bread slices, broiled some cheddar cheese on top, made a pot of turkey sloppy joes, and applied them to the bread. In defense of sloppy joes: this was a food that my parents didn’t really discuss as a means of ingesting nutrients. I think it was too low-brow. But homemade sloppy joes (not that Manwich crap that looks like nuclear waste but tastes less natural) are really tasty! They’ve got good spice balance, a touch of brown sugar, and a hearty tomato base. I like them. Even better, they are really great with turkey instead of ground beef (arguably better), so they can be healthy and light and take about 3 minutes to prepare. So give them a chance. As long as you don’t start putting ketchup on things that are not fried starches, you probably won’t have to identify yourself as a welfare person. Because my parents did teach me one important culinary lesson–ketchup is for poor people.

I made a cucumber and red onion salad out of a)sliced European cucumber (because the regular ones are waxy and taste like pesticide), b)red onion, c)white sugar, and d)apple cider vinegar. It’s a holdover from my childhood, only I used the apple cider instead of white vinegar and added onions. I used to LOVE just cucumber marinated in vinegar and sugar. I still do, truth be told, but thought the red onion would make it prettier.

It was a good and easy dinner after a long day. I didn’t eat my sloppy joe on bread because I CAN NOT TOLERATE wet bread. I hate stuffing, french dip sandwiches, subs that have been dressed anything longer than 3 seconds before I eat them. This is no exception. Oddly I love things like french toast and bread pudding, because a sweet application makes many things I hate totally delicious. Like cream cheese, or even ricotta. So I used Baked Tostitos to scoop up my sloppy joe filling, put butter and honey on my tiny grilled bread, and ate my cucumbers with my fingers. It was fulfilling.

6 thoughts on “Lunch Lady Land”

  1. Happy Sabbath, precious angel!
    I learned the fine art of douche cucumbers long before your Daddy and I ever set foot in Germany. They are standard fare on any respectable Pennsylvania Dutch lunch or supper table. Of course the dutchies stole them from the krauts anyhow.
    I, likewise, don’t like soggy buns; ergo no sloppy joes!

  2. did you grow up in PA Dutch country? That’s where I have had the cucumber goodness—where I grew up. Anyway, congrats on the 1/2 marathon. That’s awesome! I used to work at Chili’s–chicken crispers…..wow, that brings back memories!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *