Allez Cuisine!!

This is some crazy shit. I’m aware of that. For my Iron Cupcake challenge this month I had to invent a cupcake that involved cheese, and I elected to go back to my ‘wege roots and use a Gjetost cheese. It’s a brown, semi-sweet cheese that children put on bread, or is served on a dessert fruit tray. It’s a little bit caramel flavored, but still sort of processed-cheese flavored. I’ll be honest…I didn’t like it raw. But baked into cupcakes? Amazing. The apple sets off the caramel flavors perfectly, and the creamy texture just melts into the surrounding cupcake fluff.

Apple-Gjetost Cupcakes with Maple Glaze

• 2 C all-purpose, unbleached flour
• ¼ C cake flour
• 2 t baking powder
• 1 T cinnamon
• ¼ t freshly grated nutmeg (use microplane)
• 1 t salt
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
• 2 C sugar
• 2 eggs
• 4 cups grated apples (Honeycrisp)
• 6 oz Gjetost (Ski Queen) cheese, cubed very small
• 1 C confectioners sugar
• 1 t maple syrup
• 1 t heavy cream

Preheat oven to 350 F. Line two muffin tins (24 total muffins). Cream together butter and sugar until fluffy, then add eggs one at a time, waiting until they’re incorporated before adding the next one. Sift together dry ingredients. Add grated apple to butter mixture and combine thoroughly. Fold in cheese cubes. Add dry ingredients and mix just until combined. Fill each muffin liner 2/3 full. Bake at 350 F for 20-22 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Mix together confectioners sugar, maple syrup, and heavy cream to make a glaze. Add more cream or more confectioners sugar to achieve a drizzlable consistency. When muffins are cooled completely, drizzle glaze over the top.

A side note now that I’ve lost all but the most dedicated readers: These cupcakes tasted like dick. Seriously. Godawful. This was the conversation after biting into them:

Me: How are they?
Chris: Ummmmm
Me: Are they bad?
Chris: Not so much bad as…taking away my saliva and my will to swallow.
Me: *takes a bite*
Chris: What do you think?
Me: Not so much taking my will to swallow as TAKING MY WILL TO LIVE.

Then we threw them away. Norwegians SUCK at providing good food ancestry for me to recreate. I shall have nightmares about that flavor.

I think Gjetost might be sweet Velveeta. Only browner. And more Scadinavian. And lower plastic content.

And my photography is terrible, but I think I’d be better at the actual recipe creation if they gave us a workable secret ingredient. Why no pear cupcakes? WHY??

8 thoughts on “Allez Cuisine!!”

  1. We have roughly one hundred thousand pears, if you need them.

    Also, Scandanavian cuisine in general seems to be founded almost entirely on spite, so I wouldn’t feel too bad if I were you.

  2. I am really happy to hear they tasted like dick – cause I was totally thinkin’ “I bet they taste like dick”. Well, actually I was thinking ass, not sure what that says about me.

  3. Scandinavian cuisine story: what kind of an animal would feed her 4 year old granddaughter FISH HEAD SOUP? Living in cold, dark, unforgiving landscapes does create a rather dour population……

    That’s a shame about the cupcakes, because apple cheddar cupcakes are so good! Or…or maybe they’re just dense. And maybe I don’t like them after all, but I got them in my lunch bag every day until I was 9 and I started packing my own.

  4. I don’t know what to say. I’m disappointed. I love gjetost cheese. Especially sliced thin on Julekake. That’s some excellent shit. For the most part Norwegian food is based on a dare, but the desserts are like a comfy blanket. Rommegrot and fattigman. Come on.

    …sorry, I’m being trained by a Norwegian to embrace the cuisine. But honestly, aside from the lutefisk the food’s not too bad. Just simple. And not at all gourmet.

  5. Mike-then give me some!!
    Tina-fish head soup? I heard a story about something like that recently, where they kept two boys in dog cages and extinguished cigarettes on them. Child abuse is NEVER okay.
    Brooke-Fattigman, julekake, rommegrot: all excellent. Gjetost: responsible for the holocaust.
    Claud-HAHAHAHAHAHA. You have dick-cheese. Enjoy that.

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