Eat your greens

Finished with my first week of culinary school, and have learned so much. Like that I don’t ever want to eat turnip greens…ever. We had a tasting this afternoon in product knowledge that involved the tasting, smelling, touching, fondling, and goosing various lettuces, salad greens, and cooking greens. Here is a direct transcript of my notes:

Iceberg Lettuce-Tastes like a Wendy’s salad bar. Lettuce for poor people. Stands up well to bleu cheese dressing, which is gross.
Romaine Lettuce-Slightly bitter. Needs Caesar dressing. Must make Caesar dressing this weekend.
Green leaf lettuce-Spongy and delightful feeling. Is earthy because it still has earth in it, as judged by the sand I’m chewing.
Red leaf lettuce-this is just a different race of green leaf lettuce. Bitter aftertaste. Sweet vein.
Arugula-Tastes like nuts. Deez nutz. Looks like an oak leaf sort of. Goes well with assertive dressings. Do not mix with mild lettuces.
Mache-UGH! Tastes like hairspray. And soap. And lawnmower clippings. Floral nose…as in Glade Floral Bathroom Spray.
Spinach-Sauteed very quickly, familiar and tasty. Hearty. Would still rather eat raw in a salad.
Mustard greens-Smells like when you lift the lid off of a shitty lean cuisine and all the ass-steam escapes. Gross.
Swiss Chard-Meh.
Turnip greens- EW!! Tastes like old people smell. Repulsive. Feels like a leather S&M; mask
Collard greens- I am so not southern enough for this. Less offensive than turnip greens, but so is genocide.

Then he asked us to share from our list of experiences. Ummm…..shoot.

Fortunately, he didn’t ask me to share my thoughts on the cooked greens after I told him my feelings about mache.

6 thoughts on “Eat your greens”

  1. What a load of bullsh*t. When talking about cultural influences and the way they shape and develop a people’s cuisine, a lot of it is about learning followed by assimilation. You see someone eating an ingredient. You’re try it too. You start cooking with it, and do it your way. It spreads. You do NOT follow that up by thinking, en masse, “gee whiz, are we ever appreciative of the regional influences in our grandparents’ cuisine!”

  2. I KNEW it.

    Seriously, though- keep trying the greens; they might just sneak up on you. Some of those you listed are my favorites, and the Lean Cuisine reference suggests that your palate might be impaired by years of awful fake food, and in fact that your helmet-wearing palate might take the short bus to culinary school while the rest of you runs there.

    When’s the wedding?

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