Go. Now.

Okay, I need your help. I swear to GOD that I will post some actual food tonight, since I’ve been a slack-ass, but first I need a favor. My brother did a food “blog” for his education class, and it’s um….HILARIOUS. Not in a “what a great joke” way, but in a “this blog is a joke” way. It’s not his fault, as he’s a very talented writer (and teacher), but rather the fault of the assignment–“Make a blog. Now.” What blog about teaching is going to be anything other than either a) a series of rants about how poorly teachers are paid, despite being a group of adults who will spend a LOT of time alone with your children, and you’d think weeding out those of us who are comfortable living on a diet of MilkDuds and Ramen noodles would be a priority, but that’s not the case or b)a series of banal “you can do it,” and “a child’s mind is our biggest resource!” phrases.

Anyway, you should go comment. Try to make it interesting for his teacher to read when she grades it. God. I am SUCH a good sister.

And not really a total slack ass, since I’ve been busy lately:
-guarding my class assignments with my teeth bared like a junkyard dog to keep a certain classmate from stealing my work (again)
-fighting the urge to suck my thumb and rock back and forth every time chef yells at me
-making dinners that consist entirely of lebanon balogna and hunks of supermarket cheese
-sleeping
-trying unsuccessfully to find time to exercise
-and getting MRIs taken of my elbow, since it’s still gay

Plus, I have been on typing restriction because I have a really ugly case of carpal tunnel syndrome. I know, I know. I thought it was just a “disease” made up by fat secretaries who were tired of sitting at their cubicle typing, and wanted to be sitting at home collecting checks for paid leave, but couldn’t entice any of the office workers (including the janitor) to do anything that could be vaguely construed as sexual harassment. No, no! Apparently it’s a real dysfunction that happens to real unfat people who refuse to do secretarial work of any kind. Like me. So I have been wearing this hard brace on my wrist when I’m not at school. I call it my “whacking hand” since the brace is solid enough to do some damage when I hit people (Chris). The good news is that provided I stop typing at the kitchen table for hours on end, while sitting on a chair that was designed for a much shorter table, causing me to reach well above the natural order of things to hit the keys, it should get better very soon. And then back to the table! Because ergonomics are only for fat secretaries who sit in cubicles typing. Now I’m just going to sit here and wait for the janitor to come sexually harass me. Not because I want to stop typing, but because I want to START employing the whacking hand.

3 thoughts on “Go. Now.”

  1. Dude! I totally hear you on the CP! I managed to sprain BOTH of my wrists at the same time. The result of an unfortunate attempt at a canoeing race. So I had that hard wrist guard thingy on both of my arms. Gotta tell you, if someone would have jumped me in a dark alley, they woulda taken one look at me and run the other way. I was that much of a badass!

    But took me over a week to be able to wash my hair and about a month for the swelling/pain to go away. Encouraging, right? Here’s to not being a fat secretary and still getting CP. Sad.

  2. I am sad that more of your dedicated followers did not attack my blog. Some random person seems to have enjoyed it, saying that “she would be back.” Should I tell her to wait until the next time I have to verbally shit out an assignment before she returns? (On a side note, the elf-poop was delicious. I can’t imagine it would be bad though, given their diet of candy-canes and laughter.) Also, I have been unable to make a pizza-sauce as good as the sauce that Whole Foods sells. Is it not worth the effort?

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