I just got the marathon pictures sent over from a friend who has access to those kinds of things via probably sleeping with the photography company. Wow. I look like a jackass when I run. But I’m going to post them anyway because I think there should be some record of this for future generations. Here are some fun facts:
2-It seems that my body reacts to running by making sharp nip-nips on “the ladies.” I think this can be attributed to the idea that either a) my body believes I am running because of danger, and activates all systems for “go,” b) my body believes that such pain could only come from the actual birthing of a human child (possibly as old as 24 months, given the pain level) and reacts accordingly, c) it is cold as a mothafuckahhh at the time of day that these races occur, or d) all the rubbing of my jumblies against my shirt/sports bra makes them go “hello? Did you need us for something?
3-When my legs hit the ground they are gross and sinewy, like the cover of those steroid magazines where the girls look like they’ve got live cobras wrapped around their bones, covered in skin, just writhing around waiting to bite any potential passers-by.