iPhone vs Blackberry

I got a BUNCH of blackberries from the grocery store. They were $.99/pint, which is ludicrously cheap for grocery store berries, so I bought somewhere in the range of “too many” to “way too many.” But can one ever have too many berries? No, one cannot. One just has to find creative ways to use all of them very quickly, since the average shelf life of a berry is approximately the same as the average life span of a fruit fly, except that fruit flies OCCASIONALLY live for a very long time, becoming one of those huge, mutant fruit flies that zoom around your home, dive-bombing your head and audibly slapping into your window panes for days on end while you hide under your covers because you think that they might actually just be a really dark bee, because they’re BUZZING for God’s sake, and you’re not about to take the chance that you’ll pull the covers off of yourself and get stung by a bee the size of one of those old overhead projectors. And berries never live that long. Also, berries cannot be mistaken for bees. Beetles, maybe, if you’ve been drinking a lot and see it sitting on the corner of your counter menacing you, but definitely not bees.

Anyway, when I went to try and find fun uses for them, almost every googlable site for “blackberry” was for those little telephones that I don’t really understand because I thought they were little handheld email devices only. You know the ones: the ones that practically come with mandatory bluetooth sets, and are EXTREMELY popular with the douchebag sector of society. Anyway, it was a pain in my butt.

I did make some cordial, though, with maple syrup, brandy, and blackberries. I’m looking forward to drinking it in approximately 4-6 weeks, when it’s appropriately berrified. I should register my complaint now, though. No home product should ever take 4-6 weeks to make, unless it is a human baby. I don’t need that extra time to, say, paint the nursery or think of baby names ( Willard? Are you kidding? I don’t care if your Grandpa’s name is Willard, it’s a stupid name. If we name it that, it’ll come out already wearing brown sweaters and smelling like cigars. Yeah? Go ahead and TELL him I said that. He knows it’s a stupid name. Whatever. You shut up! Let’s name it CORDIAL.). I just want to think of it, mix it, and then be able to immediately make fun cocktails out of it. And I’m really excited about it, because I figure anything that could get Ann of Green Gables completely twanked at the age of 14 without her even realizing she was drinking alcohol is going to be deeeee-licious.

And I made jam. I’m not going to can it, since I only made about a pint of it. Instead, I’m thinking for rounds this week that I’ll make a cookie bar with swirls of fresh jam doing the hustle across the top, in a pattern of intricate swirls of intense crimson against a relatively neutral background. Flavor: stunning. Aesthetic: stunning. Two thumbs up.

Now, I have to go work on tonight’s “special project.” Yes, it’s culinary. No, it’s not groundbreaking. But it’s delicious and kind of cool, and that’s what matters. Here’s a picture of an egg roll bowl from last night to hold you over until the grand reveal:

Chicken and bean thread spring rolls with a sweet chili dipping sauce, over a salad of carrots, euro-cukes, cabbage, and sprouts.
To answer your question, I did not get to eat much of this. Too much chewing. Very sad. I did eat my fair share of Jell-O, though. So million tasty!

7 thoughts on “iPhone vs Blackberry”

  1. Uh, excuse me, but I believe it was actually Anne’s friend Diana Berry that got drunk (and it was Marilla’s currant wine, which was mistaken for raspberry cordial). Anne was too busy cutting fruitcake in the kitchen and detailing her latest gay-ass daydream to have a drink.


    Okay, I need to be slapped.

  2. One word, a bunch of times:
    Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies. Smoothies.

    I have to use frozen till NJ thaws out and prices come down, so you are lucky.


  3. I want to see the surprise unveil!!!

    Personally I like making liqueurs that take weeks to fully develop, because it’s the only way that I can pat myself on the back that I’ve managed to keep a bottle of hooch in my house for more than a week without guzzling it. I justify whenever possible.

    Mike has a Blackberry for work, and I can honestly say that the only thing more irritating than somebody who puts their cell phone on the table when you’re out at a restaurant is somebody who puts their BLACKBERRY on the table and then proceeds to spend most of dinner emailing. Work related or not, it brings out my inner fury. The only bonus is that I get to scarf down half the bread basket while he’s preoccupied.

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