My kingdom for a raspberry


Who is tired of seeing me post about blackberries? You? Oh. You don’t count. Who else? Nobody? Good. Then it’s settled. I made more blackberry stuff. And I’m still not out of blackberries, so plan on them keepin’ a-comin’. Here you have a blackberry and apple crisp with some leftover blackberry ice cream. Warm, cold, gooey, crisp, sweet, tart…it’s an experiential commotion going on here, and it’s great. Apple crisp is good, just ask any of your more talkative Amish friends. Adding blackberries to the mix, however, despite being kind of citified and fancy, might make the Amish change there non-musical tune.

Some griping about culinary school:

-Fois gras is gross. You don’t agree with me, and I’m okay with that. I saw one whole today and it looked like a malignant tumor. No short Anthony Bourdain interview with Hudson Valley Farms is going to make me any more fond of the stuff. And stop telling me the birds like having diseased livers. It’s a filthy lie.

-I don’t want to put tinted curing mix in all of my food. I don’t care that the evidence about its cancer-causing capabilities is “just speculation.” I don’t like to leave my cancer-free-ness up to mere speculation. So next time a garde manger recipe calls for it, I’m just going to ignore it and substitute salt. After all, it’s not like we’re saving our duck confit. We’re eating it SAME DAY. I’m not adding artificial preservatives for the 10 minute wait between the cooking pot and my own personal belly.

-I’ve stopped making our class recipes altogether and have started just foraging around for ingredients in the walk-in, then making what I feel like making. Tomorrow I am making carpaccio and fried artichokes instead of the shrimp mousse we were told to make. After all, I really like carpaccio, and I really don’t like shrimp mousse. Then, instead of making malfatti salad, I am going to make Nutella mousse. Because I love Nutella, and because Carino is way more fun to play with than the members of my group. Plus, they’ll be busy making shrimp mousse.

-The root word of aspic is ass. As in, “tastes like.”

-The pants on my chef whites are now mid-calf when I sit down. I asked for them in a 34″ inseam, but was told those don’t exist. If that’s the case, then how come my chef, who is 6’7, has pants that are long enough but mine look like I stole them from an Oompa Loompa while he was busy pulling children out of the river of chocolate?

-I’m tired of putting my hair in a ponytail every day. It’s all broken and unattractive now. WTF?

That’s all…for now.

12 thoughts on “My kingdom for a raspberry”

  1. Shrimp mousse? BARF! Nutella mousse sounds way better, as do fried artichokes. Is malfatti a traditional San Antonio dish? I believe so and I believe it’s actually spelled mal fattys.

  2. Websters defines malfatti as “the person sitting outside the ice cream parlor at the mall, horking down double-dip cones like it’s going out of style and sweating as if the mere effort of walking from store to store has depleted their energy reserves entirely.”

    And my captcha is “wenis.” I am not lying.

  3. I totally agree with you on the foie gras aspect. It is vile and despicable stuff. And its ugly. Food should LOOK good, even if it doesn’t taste good.

  4. Foie gras is delicious, and theckthay. Curing salt is totally overrated; it makes things pink, but you only need it if you’re curing things that aren’t whole-muscle. Plus, botulism gives you a wicked head-rush.

  5. I have a ridiculous fondness for any kind of seafood mousse. Judge me if you will.

    Also, thank you for clarifying what ‘malfatti’ means, because I didn’t have the foggiest idea. Although when you’re in Quebec and you’ve eaten too many deep fried pigs trotters, they will occasionally shake their heads at you and murmur something about ‘pauvre fattie, ca c’est tres mal’….

  6. Every ponytail-wearing bride-to-be’s best friend: Fredric Fekkai Protein Rx Reparative Treatment Mask. Seriously, I know hair.

    You won’t need a lot and you’ll have to rinse well. Try rinsing with cold water to get it all out.

    I’m glad to see things are going well.

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