Get OUT of my mouth!

If I were to tell you that I had another mouth-related tragedy, would you believe me? I mean, after my surprise wisdom tooth removal, I basically felt that I had been wronged in every possible way, violated to my very core, and that I would likely be safe for a while. But nooooooooo. Today was WORSE.

I had an appointment to pick up my Invisalign. I ordered them about 5 weeks ago, and have been really anxious to straighten up my lower teeth before the wedding. Sure, I had braces as a child, but what self-respecting teenager heeds the wisdom re: retainer use? Not this one. Anyway, I was excited to pick them up and start being sexaaaay. Or “theckthaaaay” I suppose, since I am having a difficult time with the letter “s” at this point, with all this plastic in my mouth.

But as I sat in the chair, happily awaiting my key to oral beauty, I noticed the orthodontist fiddling with something. The hygienist then placed a pair of dark sunglasses over my eyes. They looked like Oakleys. Something was amiss. I then heard the revving, piercing, terror-inspiring sound of a drill. Apparently, in order to make all of my bottom teeth fit into my, well, bottom-teeth-arena, they have to “slenderize” some of the bottom ones. Cute. What are you going to do, Doc? Rub some TrimSpa on my teeth and hope for the best? Nope. What he was going to do, and then what he proceeded to do, was drill between my bottom teeth to remove enamel and create gaps between them. Which sounds like a terrible idea on a number of levels, least of which being that I was under the impression that my tooth enamel was the main substance protecting me from cavities. But there he was, happily drilling away without the benefit of Novocaine. It smelled like burning, I was absolutely RIGID with fear, and then, out of nowhere BAM!!! He hit a nerve. I started to cry, he moved on to another tooth. A couple of teeth later, POW!! More pain. But he just kept moving on to different teeth, while fat, mascara-colored tears slid down either side of my face (into my ears since I was on my back).

I am FURIOUS about this. I was just starting to get my big-girl-pants about dental procedures, and this assclown comes along and sets me back 15 years. What’s worse is that he’s an ORTHODONTIST. He’s not supposed to hurt me. He’s supposed to prettify me. Dentists are the ones who are supposed to come at me guns-a-blazin’ with instruments of torture. Plus, I was a little miffed that he told me he was “nowhere near a nerve” on the painful teeth, and that I “probably just have some slight heat sensitivity.” Yeah, fuck you, sir. How about I light your foot on fire and then tell you that you’re probably just a heat-sensitive little wussmobile? How ’bout that?! Sadly, he’s a highly respected orthodontist, so I can’t even call him a quack. Instead, I’m just going to refer to him as a sadist, and probably cry myself to sleep on the nights before appointments.

So now I’m at home, still very emotional and shaky, and I have this tray on my lower teeth so I can’t even eat a sizable hunk of my 10 lb chocolate bar to console myself. Which I’m pretty sure is going to be super for my abs, so maybe I should start looking on the bright side of this. But you know what else would be super for my abs, but probably hurt less? Liposuction.

10 thoughts on “Get OUT of my mouth!”

  1. So sorry that happened – I had to comment because the same thing happened to me when I was 14 and a few months away from getting the loathed braces removed. The ortho started happily filing down my front two teeth, and when I asked why, she smiled and said, “Well, they’re a little BIG, don’t you think?” “No – please stop.” Even then, I figured it was a scam to keep me in braces longer, and while I may look like a rabbit 20 years later, at least she stopped when I asked…

  2. My dentist told me I need to do the Invisalign thing, too. What exactly is the point of using the trays if they just want to grind your teeth into shape anyway? Seems like a waste.

    Someone tries to “slenderize” my teeth, he’ll get a slenderizing punch in the eyeball for his trouble. I don’t take no lip off no orthodontists.

  3. That sounds AWEFUL! I’m sorry. I hate anything teeth related too. I’m also VERY distrustful of dentists after going to one a couple of years ago who told me I had 14 cavities even though at my last cleaning, 6 months earlier, I had none. I got a second opionion and turned out I had ZERO cavities. They were going to charge me thousands for all the fillings, bastages.

    My captcha is “ovendpig”.

  4. Kristie,
    I can’t even describe on multiple levels how much I understand what you are going though. I hate going to the dentist so much that I shake and go into panic attacks at the appointment and cry neh sob on the phone when I have to make an appointment even. It seems we have both been too traumatized as children+ by dentist and for this guy to do that – uhhhh and as I read that I was in that chair with you totally frozen in terror. I am soo sorry for that experience. It reminds me of the time my dirt bag dentist tried to remove a very impounded wisdom tooth (where I should have been referred to an oral surgeon for) and when he finally removed the tooth he lost it in the fat of my cheek for – ready— 1.5 HRS – searching, digging, etc until he finally gave up – took x-rays of my cheeks so we could know where it was and sent me to the oral surgeon who had it out in less than 5 minutes. (I luckily had two experiences – two doctors, two teeth each doctor, and two years apart in time because the first idiot told me I wouldn’t need the other two out – he was wrong)so the other dentist who despite my request told me I didn’t need antibiotics for when I got my wisdom teeth out and when I got a hematoma the size of a golf ball in my cheek and a HUGE infection – treated me for twice for a dry socket I NEVER HAD until he realized – oops I guess you have an infection and need antibiotics. “Here is a prescription for the strongest antibiotic you can get without an IV and pay $80 for because of my oops.” I was at that doctors office every day for something for almost 2 weeks, sat and Sundays included until that idiot realized I didn’t freakin have a dry socket I had a blood clump and an infection – I was on aleve and percocet for days. I HATE DENTISTS

  5. I am SO SO sorry that happened to you…I had a rotten wisdom teeth being taken out by the sadist masquerading as a dentist story when I was younger and I can still remember the pain….e-hugs from a fellow TWDer….I guess this guy won’t be receiving any of your delcious TWD treats!

  6. Oh, I’m so sorry for you! I’ve had my share of dental nightmares too. It seems that about 1/2 the dentists out there don’t know what the hell they’re doing. Can’t they be reported to state medical boards or something?

  7. ugh. that sucks. no, really. That sucks. In high school I was lucky, I didn’t have to see the orthodontist but once and that was to see if I needed a tooth removed. Besides, it couldn’t have been that bad since the orthodontist was Mr. Stump’s brother.

    Shawn doesn’t like our new dentist because when filling cavities, the Novocaine started to wear off, and the guy didn’t wait the proper amount of time between re-Novocaining and restarting the filling of cavities.

    I, on the other hand, have been lucky enough to not have had a bad experience at the dentist… The doctor on the other hand…

  8. Beauty requires sacrifice, sometimes in tears, sometimes in blood, always some form of pain. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t be worth it. :-)

  9. If it makes you feel any better, my brother has/had giant donkey teeth when he was young. They had to pull out a few before he got braces, but – OOPS! They pulled out TOO MANY. The bastard actually took eight teeth out of his mouth, and then spent the next seven years (yes, you read that right) shuffling the rest of them around trying to make it look natural. And he still has giant donkey teeth now, just…fewer.

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