The Final Guest-Blog (Maybe)

I will be picking my sister up late tomorrow evening. Then she will take over and wow you with her wit, food, and overall awesomeness. Thank you for reading in her absence, I am sure she will be thrilled to out-do me when she returns. (After a day or so. She really isn’t exaggerating when she says she is terrified of flying. She has to get pretty Hasselhoff’d to enter an airport, much less get on a plane).

The animals survived and thrived during my stay here. Additionally, Willie Webber has improved his average workout score to around a 7 or 8 out of ten. His transition to Grown-Ass-Dog food should help him continue to improve. (Of course, Semper Fido puppy-pt will also be essential). The kitties are bored with us now. They realized we were not overly exciting or edible, so they have moved on for the most part. We “love them millions” as my sister would say.

Speaking of the animals, Willie spent the day at doggy-daycare because we went to the San Marcos Outlet mall. Texas still tastes like foot, but this mall was awesome. I am a severely attractive man, but an 800 dollar Armani suit puts me on another level. Somewhere Elwayesque… My love for Elway aside, I kinda got used to this state. Sure, there are fatties everywhere. Even the men and women in uniform are a bit putrid for my taste. Sure the commercials suck. Sure everything has to be “Texas-sized” (I have yet to see a “Texas-sized Abortion Clinic,” but I am sure it is somewhere in this state). But the neighbors are super-friendly, the food is great, and the gym is nice. I wouldn’t choose to live here, but I think I could grow to enjoy parts of this fire-ant-ridden Hell hole. That is as close to a compliment as I can give…

Food Time!

In order of consumption…

1st: Sacher Torte, pronounced: “Chocolate, raspberry, almond, and a couple other flavors I couldn’t put my finger on”

This cake was delicious in a wonderful way, but it was my least favorite of the three cakes. Fortunately, my fiance was in love with it. (Who would have thought I could be replaced by a cake that CLEARLY has an extra “e” in its name? I understand that different languages use different spellings, but this one just seemed excessive. I will have to go by Erike from now on in hopes of stealing her away from the chocolaty goodness.) The cake was dense in a good way, and the nuts added interesting texture to each bite. The raspberry, once again, was not overwhelming. Instead, it acted as a compliment to the cake.

2nd: Lasagnae (If she can add extra “e”‘s, so can I)

I have never been a loyal fan of lasagna, but that is because I do not like many cheeses. Many cheeses happen to literally taste and smell like foot, so I tend to avoid them. I know, however, that my sister has similar tastes. This was enough reassurance for me to try her version of the classic Italiane food. I am glad I did. It was very saucy, but not in the my-fat-daughter-is-a-bitch-so-I-will-just-say-she-is-being-saucy kinda way. It was the perfect amount of sauce to ensure that every bite would not be too cheesy. There was also a ton of lightly seasoned beef to go around. I will probably be disappointed by other lasagna in the near future thanks to her fantastic version of the dishe.

3rd: Beef Roast with Caramelized Vegetables

This dish was special to me. It is important enough to me that I couldn’t abuse it with extra letters. First off, it was by far the best. Secondly, it is one of the dishes I grew up eating with my family. My father would always sneak into the kitchen at night to snack while it stewed in its own deliciousness. My sister, the Spiteful Chef herself, would always steal ALL of the gravy. She would with zeal, and without remorse. It is hard to compare my mother’s Beef Roast to my sister’s, so I will not. What I can say, is that this dish blew me away. The meat was so tender that it was hard to eat without a spoon. The vegetables disappeared, as good vegetables should, into the buttery goodness of the broth/gravy pool the beef used as a home. The meat was pink and was not seasoned much from what I can tell. It was just a great example of a chef letting great food stand for itself. When my sister returns to writing on this blog, be sure to ask her about it. This meal was a bit too great to describe. I am surely not doing it justice.

Once again, thank you all for reading. As a readers go, none of you taste like foote. Another blog-post should be up within a few days featuring my sister. Needless to say, I look forward to watching her show off her intelligence and work ethic. She is wonderful. I love her millions.

5 thoughts on “The Final Guest-Blog (Maybe)”

  1. Maybe it’s just you, maybe it’s due to the new Armani suit in your possession, but I’m more attracted to you now. Not that I wasn’t before, but now I’m attracted lots of millions instead of just one million.

    I still think the world is wrong for taking the ‘e’ out of chocolaty and putting it in the word torte. I like chocolatey better, and unless I have to turn it in for a grade, I just might spell it my way to be a rebel and the OG that I am.

    And to everyone else, we still have some beef roast left, but if you come over and try to eat it, I will kill you. I’m doing some major hoarding.

  2. I met David Hasselhoff at a posh hotel in NYC late one night a couple of years ago. He was fully lit, and he’s 8 feet tall. He invited us to get in a limo with him. I still kind of wish I had.

    PS: Armani is too drapey. You want something cut sharper.

  3. Erike and Alissa,
    If you smuggle home some beefe roaste I’ll make it worth your while. I’ve enjoyed reading the blogs immensely, and am looking forward to seeing you both upon your return to Colorado. P.S. Please take off your clothes in the driveway; I don’t want to risk you bringing any hitchhiking fireants into the house! Love, Momma

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