Hi guys! I missed you so million while I was in Jamaica, and I can’t wait to be back in your loving bloggery arms with tales of cakes and castles, dragons and dumplings, princesses and pine nuts…you know, the FOOD. But I have to take my final practical exam for certification tomorrow, so I have to study tonight until my eyeballs fall out. And I’m a little distracted from my studying, because I had to go edit my entire blog.


Because my school “located” it by having someone tattle. It’s the only student I’ve every complained about, and to be honest, I’ve written some pretty creatively horrible things about him in here. I’m talking descriptive, frequent analogies of his face and personality to female body parts. It was definitely never meant for him to see. But he was talking trash with his friends and they decided to google me. They found the blog, they went to administration (despite it having, um, NOTHING to do with the administration), and I got my ass served to me today.

A couple of quick things:

1-Why was I being googled by my nemesis? We have a long-running feud, with mutual dislike and sabotage, so I guess it makes sense.
2-What kind of adult tattles?
3-Why would anyone ever take this blog seriously?

It’s so clearly just a venting ground. And you know what it was called today? A “hate site.” Hate. For God’s sake. I don’t hate anybody. I hate Texas a little, but complaining about this classmate became almost a hobby, and I certainly didn’t hate him. I just didn’t LIKE him, and it made me feel better to come here and call him things. Toddler-like, but with more swear words and offensive analogies. My descriptions of him became a caricature, with all of its exaggerated traits and unflattery (not a word).

Now, don’t get me wrong. I feel terrible that he saw it. Taken out of my tone-of-voice context, it is really mean, and I don’t like to hurt people. I learned a valuable lesson about using peoples’ first names. Lesson: don’t. They will find out. Like ass-dialing with your cell phone, and then having your boyfriend hear you in the car complaining about his sexual prowess or something (has not happened to me, but I’ve HEARD of such a thing frequently).

I just don’t get how or why the school is involved. Or what was accomplished by them printing out the whole thing and saying they’re going to keep it. Or how they can say I “could be sued for libel.” I guess technically, calling someone a
“insert girl body part here” could be libelous if they treat it like a fact, but I really feel like this has been blown out of proportion. It seems to me just like a (albeit mean) case of silly name-calling. A blog is a blog. I’m not going to apologize for how I write, because the venting makes people who are frustrated at work and at home laugh out loud. Because vicarious rants make people feel better about their fight with their coworker or whatever.

From now on, though, no names and no smack talk about people I know. It ends poorly.

What do you think? Is a blog the business of a school? Are angry humor-writing and hate speech the same?

Now to study, and then writing and cooking full-time again. I can’t wait to be back!

9 thoughts on “Busted”

  1. Ack.

    This is a situation I have been in before, though with someone slightly higher-profile who had the capital to sue, and without it actually being my writing to get sued over.

    The comfort is that it still didn’t happen, but the lesson was painful: anyone can find anything you say on the internet, wind it into a roll and swat you over the forehead with it.

    It sucks, but your reaction is the right one. Clean it up and forge ever onwards to entertain the people who appreciate you. Otherwise this whole thing stops being fun, really quickly.

  2. I’m kind of jealous. Nobody has ever Googled me….other than me. And I came up with squat. That was a bit of a let down. I truly thought that I was enough of a heathen in my youth to at least garner a MENTION somewhere. Sigh.

    But back to Mr. Classmate – what an honest post you had there. I know exactly what you mean, too. I have manifested all sorts of vicious venom, spewed it out through that Email unit of mine (or FB, or whatever), and forgotten all about it…until, at some point, the peep in question comes up to me in a bar and says, “So I hear you think I’m a cocksucking motherfucking -what was the next part again? – oh yes, putrid bunghole of a dessicated rat.” Oh yeah, ehrrr…..I didn’t think you’d read that. And then you feel awful, ashamed, and childish. I’ve been there too….more than once. I get it.

    But hey, chin up – you’ve judiciously removed every piece of classmate directed spite from your site, without losing the voice and charm that makes you great. So yeah. It’s not all bad, right?

    Also, because I read the next post first, CONGRATULATIONS CHEF GIRL!!!!!!!

  3. Let’s see here…if you were still in high school, then maybe I could see the school getting involved…

    But the sucky part is the self-censoring. Stupid litigious society we live in. Aside from the fact that if someone can’t handle what was said about them on a blog, then it really probably proves the point about what the blogger was saying about them in the first place.

    In any case, don’t get Dooced.

    Also, one of my coworkers loves your blog, and was telling me the other day about how well you write and you do it with such aplomb that it makes the rest of us lowly, unwashed masses jealous.

  4. Hmmm. As far as I know, you’ve never even mentioned the name of the school. They are harassing you. Your husband better go to law school, like, right now!

  5. Oh man. Serious. That is LAAAAAME. Definitely not the school's business. But you know this is going to be hilarious in a year or so. So funny you'll pee.

    I'm already kinda laughing…sorry.

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